Monday, June 15, 2009

Sunday Rant

Havent had such a disappointing sunday in a long time. Having only one day off a week really makes me appreciate it- and I can do almost anything at all (even real boring stuff) and enjoy it.

The whole beginning half of the day was fucking great. A god damn dream. I had my Jon all to myself for the majority of the day and we awoke in each others arms (I know you like that) and headed over to the falls where w
e hung out and laughed with friends who work in a couple of the stores there. We went to Teavana and bought some delicious teas, sampled a whole bunch, and had a great time. A thunder storm ensued, which really scared me because it felt and sounded like the lightning as right on top of us (scary!!) but alas, I had my muscle man to keep me safe, and even though we got so soaked- it was so much fun having this adventure of running to the car, yelling at each other , and drying ourselves with the heater. We changed when we got home and ate some food and pretty much just hung out until he had to go to work. I was so happy.

On the way home I find that little kitten roaming the street (and I do mean STREET) two blocks from my house. I was so caught off gaurd by it that my instinct was to slam on my breaks, get out of my car, and try to see if there was a mama cat around. Nothing. Searched for meows in the bushes- brothers and sisters- nothing. This was literally a gorgeous baby cat, roaming the streets, ALONE.
Now, if you know me at all- You KNOW that I cant just leave this poor, defenseless kitten in the street. (What a fucking curse upon my life) So I take it hope, my stepfather gets all upset, starts to swear and yell, and tells me that I have to get rid "of the fucking thing" right now. I drive to my grandmothers house thinking that surely she can save this animal, but ultimately cannot take care o
f it. I call all of my friends and no one wants the cat (of course). I drive back to the original location, knock on houses, no one wants him. Knock on the door of a neighbor of mine who has 11 cats and OF COURSE cannot take care of ANOTHER cat. He starts to tell me that caring for an animal is the best thing one can do- Im fighting tears at this point. I aborted the convo and got back in my car.
The only option is now going back to my house. Holy fuck. You have no idea what kind of Cuban, hard headed, close minded, yelling bullshit is about to ensue thanks to my ignorant as fuck, dumb as fuck, step father.

Let me clarify something here- I am not upset because my father didnt want ANOTHER animal in the house. I get that part. My problem is that I have exhausted all other options and at this point I feel like im stuck between a rock and hard place. Id rather die then have this man make me throw this kitten out in the street.

He cannot give me one god damned reason why we cant keep the fucking animal. At least for a little bit so I have time to find a home. So i have time to go to petsmart- or call shelters- or even sit in front of publix offering him for free to strangers. All he can do is yell and scream and curse and make everyone feel like SHIT. Thats what hes great at and honestly, probably the ONLY thing hes really good at to tell you the truth. At one point he went right up to my little sister and tried ripping the cat from her arms to throw it outside. What kind of man are you?

If money for the food is the issue, I have no problem paying for it. If we were to keep it, it would be an outside cat, and we have plenty of room outside. But he wont hear any of this, (of course). Theres no talking to this man, no conversations that can be had that dont quickly sky rocket to screaming and crying.

I hate him.

Not for this, but for so much. For years- all the things hes done. The drinking, making my mother cry- not being a real man or a father or a husband for that matter. I feel like im getting realy close now to finally getting to the breaking point and doing some real drastic shit.
All I gotta say is, God help me.


effietron said...

ugh i feel you dude, i've witnessed the tip of the iceberg of your stepdad's rage and it is fucking scary. if you leave the cat in a carrier at petsmart they will take it in.

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